I Was Broken.
Ian stilled. His eyes were wide, pure disbelief on his face. "You what?"
I could taste the saltiness of the tears which ran down my face. "I didn't know."
Ian pulled my arm, sitting me down on the bed. I couldn't even look at his face. It made me feel like a horrible person, even though hours of therapy told me differently. I looked down at the ground, momentarily stunned by the tears.
"You didn't know what?" I could hear the anger, the frustration in Ian's voice. "Will you fucking look at me?"
I flinched, but looked at him. Anger and confusion was evident on his face. "When I came here--" hiccup "I didn't know --" hiccup "And I was so depressed --"
"Hold up," Ian groaned, obviously frustrated. "When you came here?"
I took a deep breath. I knew this was coming. And I had to tell him, no matter how much it hurt me, and I knew for a fact that he would probably hate me after this.
"When I came here, right out of high school, I got depressed. I couldn't stay without you, and I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't want anyone. I was just so... so stuck on you. And I started drinking and smoking. Not the occasional one, I use to drink everyday."
Ian sucked in a breath. "And?"
"I was a mess. Parker kind of stumbled upon me at a party. And he tried to make me laugh, cheer me up. And for some time... I saw you in him. I guess that's why I instantly liked him."
"He is my cousin," Ian muttered.
I looked away from his beautiful face. "And he made me stop. Atop drinking, stop smoking. It was about three months after I got here. And when I started going to university regularly, and being normal, I realized that I didn't get my periods."
"But I ignored it. I just chalked it up to the drinking, I didn't want to accept that I would have been pregnant."
"Pregnant.." Ian tested the word.
"And I found a new obsession. I wanted to ride a motorcycle. But Parker was always there, stopping me from doing anything reckless. So, one day when he went out, I borrowed a friend's motorcycle."
"And, I didn't know how to ride it. He did, and he tried to teach me. I ended up going to fast, and hitting the bike on the rock. I lost the baby. Our baby."
"You were on the pill." Ian was eerily calm.
"I forgot the pill in the month. I figured, since I would be leaving anyways..."
Ian didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. Finally, Ian spoke. "So, you killed our child?"
"I didn't know," I said weakly.
"You killed our fucking baby! And you didn't even tell me, didn't even call me!"
"Ian..." I touched his hand.
He got up, brushing my hand off as if I had burnt him. "Don't. Don't you fucking dare!"
"I'm sorry!"
Ian laughed, coldly. "For killing a child? Well. Khloe, you should be! I'm leaving. I..."
"Will I see you?"
Ian didn't even turn around as he answered. "No."
****
