I LOOKED AROUND ME. I moved closer to where I last saw her and touched my head. Was I still feeling the effects of the sleeping drug? I was already seeing things.
I was about to leave when I halted in my steps. There it was, the old diary, right under the Arch of the Centuries.
My heart started beating faster and heaviness came over me as I walked toward it.
I picked it up, dusted the cover, and exhaled slowly.
And before I could even stand up, I was startled when I saw the old woman standing right behind me. I stood up to face her.
I was so confused. Was this my mind playing tricks on me or what? “You … you … went through the …” I asked her, trying hard to steady my voice while pointing at the Arch of the Centuries.
“Yes,” she answered. “But I won’t be going without you,” she added as she pushed me, sending me tumbling to the other side.
I fell sideways and felt my cheek scrape the ground. I noticed a sudden sting in my nose as blood started dripping out of one of my nostrils. I looked at my hand which was now streaked with blood. That old lady pushed me hard.
I slowly rose to my feet. I stopped when it dawned on me that my whole surroundings had changed. There were men wearing white long-sleeved shirts and native *sombreros.
“*Binibini, are you okay?” a lady wearing a black dress worriedly asked me. About ten other ladies were trailing her. They were all wearing a white baro't saya like the ones worn by *Maria Clara.
I felt my eyes grow bigger when I realized that I was wearing the same white baro't saya as theirs!
“Your nose is bleeding,” the lady in the black dress said as she fished out a handkerchief from her pocket and used it to wipe my nose. "I’m … I’m okay, thanks," I managed to stammer.
“Come. Let’s go. The mass is about to start,” a lady from somewhere at the back said. What was going on? I was so confused. Was I only dreaming?
I let out a laugh. Maybe my schoolmates were pulling a prank on me. They sure love playing tricks on one another after all. “Please stop this nonsense. This prank has already been pulled off one too many times. Don’t mess with me or else …” I wasn’t able to finish my sentence anymore because all of the ladies were now looking at me. They seemed just as puzzled about the whole situation as I was.
“Where did you learn those words? The English language is not taught here,” asked one of the ladies. She was tall, slender, and had deep-set eyes. I could only stare back at her. What are these women saying? Were they high on drugs?
“Please excuse Carmelita, Sister. She didn’t have enough sleep last night because she spent the whole time studying. That’s why she’s not feeling so well right now,” said a lady with lidded eyes and fair skin. She was also wearing a white baro't saya and had a white flower stuck to her hair.
I blinked twice. I surveyed my surroundings once more, careful not to blink. I unconsciously let go of the handkerchief on my nose. They called me Carmelita! Does it mean that I am, at this very moment, in their time?
In the year 1892?
“REST IN YOUR ROOM FIRST, CARMELITA," I could only stare at all of them. I couldn’t bring myself to believe what was happening. Lola Carmina had always proudly talked about the Montecarlos family, especially how they were able to help improve the economy of San Alfonso. Lola Carmina also expressed her regret that Don Alejandro and Doña Soledad Montecarlos did not have a son who would have continued the Montecarlos family name.
It was as if my whole world stopped. Was this still the effect of the sleeping pills?
The lady who was talking looked at the others. “You may go-ahead to the church without me. I will be escorting Carmelita back to her room,” she instructed them. The ladies respectfully nodded at the words of the lady wearing a similar dress to the one I had on me.
The huge church bell rang. With this, the wind blew causing the trees to sway as if in a dance. I stopped when I saw the old lady in black, the one who took the old diary, standing under a tree a few meters away from us.
She was just looking at me, the old diary no longer in her hands. I have to talk to her!
I remembered that the University of Santo Tomas was originally built within the walls of *Intramuros.
The old lady turned her back to me and started walking away. “Wait!” I ran after her screaming while holding my skirt in place so I could run properly.
"Carmelita!" I heard the lady talking to me shout my name. I didn’t look at her. I needed to catch up to the old lady.
“Get out of my way!” I shouted at the men wearing black and white suits who were blocking my way.
“Wait! Lola! Wait for me!” I stopped in my tracks when I saw a *kalesa thundering toward me.
I remained frozen to where I was standing. I couldn’t move my feet. Everything was happening so fast that it barely registered when someone pulled me out of harm’s way. We landed with a thud on the ground.
Swirls of dust enveloped us. The last thing I remembered was a man talking over me, but I could not make out what he was saying before I completely blacked out.
I STOOD UP WITH A START. I couldn’t see anything when I first opened my eyes. I thought I was on a soft bed. "Dad!" I called out. I called for him a few more times but no one answered.
A few moments later, I heard the door creak open. I was momentarily blinded by the sudden brightness streaming from the door. "Carmelita, how are you feeling?" a woman asked me. I blinked twice again. I wondered who this person was.
She was wearing a long white dress, a white shawl draped over her head. She closed the door and placed what she was carrying on the floor. I looked at the source of light. An old-fashioned lamp?
She sat on the chair beside the bed where I was sitting down. She has round eyes framed by long lashes. Her nose was pointed, she was fair-skinned, and had a slender build.
“What happened to you? Helena said that you haven’t been feeling well.” I crinkled my forehead at the name. Who was Helena?
I tried to remember the events that transpired. The last thing I could recall was me running after the old lady who took the old diary. I was almost hit by a kalesa.
“I already sent a letter to Mother and Father. They will ask you to come home to San Alfonso for sure,” she said softly. Her words made me think—sent a letter? As in snail mail?
What have I got to do with her parents?
A realization dawned on me, “We’re sisters?” I asked. She gave me a puzzled look. “You’re still not feeling well, Carmelita,” she said while feeling my forehead. “This is me, Josefina,” she added.
I was feeling light-headed again like I was about to faint. I couldn’t believe that I was sitting in front of Carmelita’s sister who was a nun. “What happened to you? Natasha told me that you went to the University of Santo Tomas, and when you were about to go home, you fainted and stumbled near the entrance,” her words made me feel even dizzier. I didn’t understand what’s going on.
I looked at her. I wanted to tell her that I didn’t faint. Someone pushed me through that Arch.
“Where am I? What place is this?” I tried to get out of bed but Josefina stopped me. “You are still weak,” she tugged at my hand. “We are now at the Colegio de Santa Isabel," she answered. I blinked twice again.
I found myself staring into space. I felt as if I was drifting far away from reality. I ended up shouting, "Dad! Help me!" I didn’t know why but those were the first words I managed to blurt out. Every time I find myself in a tight fix, it’s Dad who always makes sure I get myself out of trouble. But he’s not here to help me now—What do I do?
"What’s happening to you, Carmelita?" she stood up, startled. When I remembered that she was Josefina Montecarlos, I screamed all the louder out of frustration. “I don’t want to be here anymore!" I shouted and threw the blanket aside. I felt dizzy but still struggled to stand up.
I saw that the window was wide open. I bolted toward it and tried to clamber my way out. "Carmelita!" Josefina grabbed my arm.
I broke free from her grasp. When I looked out the window I saw that we were on the second floor. I wanted to jump out of the window thinking that if I did, I might end up in my own room with Dad and my sisters waiting for me.
"Carmelita! Get down from there!” Josefina was trying so hard to hold on to me. A few seconds flew by when other nuns started filing in. They were repeatedly making the sign of the cross and muttering prayers. "Lord God, please take care of this child. Carmelita, hija, get down from there,” I heard one of the nuns plead.
“I’m not Carmelita, so please, let me go. Mind your own business!" I shouted at them. I placed my other leg on the windowsill making all of them shout. I was startled when someone tugged at my arm causing me to fall on the floor.
"Leave, devil!" shouted a nun who slapped me hard across the face.
"How dare you!" I shouted at her and tried to pull her hair, but the others were quick to restrain my arms and legs. A nun with a white rosary in her hand took something which she used to spray water on me
"Leave the body of our sister, devil!" shouted the nun on top of me and she proceeded to slap me on the cheek three times. I tried my hardest to get out of their grip. I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Back off! F*ck!". They were holding me so tightly. They tried to carry me and sway me as if I were a baby.
A few moments passed when the door suddenly opened, putting a halt to all the commotion. It was the old lady in black who took the diary with Josefina behind her.
"Let go of her," commanded the old lady. They gave one another a look. They were hesitating on whether to follow the old lady’s order or not.
"Didn’t you hear what I said?" she asked.
"But Madre Olivia, Carmelita is being possessed by an evil spirit," said one of them. They weren’t able to protest or do anything anymore when the old lady shot them a piercing glare.
They let go of me quickly, causing me to fall hard on the floor. I touched my waist. They didn’t even bother letting go of me gently.
“Are you sure, Natasha?” asked the old lady named Madre Olivia. She looked serious and her glare was threatening.
“The devil made Carmelita speak a different language, Madre Olivia. It also ordered her to jump out of the window so it could steal her soul,” Natasha explained.
They all had their heads bowed in front of Madre Olivia.
“She also said that she was not Carmelita," added another, causing Madre Olivia to look at me and then at Josefina behind her.
“Is this all true, Josefina? Something strange is happening to your sister?” Madre Olivia asked Josefina.
“Yes, Madre,” Josefina answered as she looked down. I glanced at her. She seemed so honest.
Madre Olivia turned to look at another nun. "Helena, has Carmelita been acting out of the ordinary even before?" she asked. I remember her. So, Helena was her name. She was the one who called me Carmelita when I stumbled through the Arch.
“It doesn’t seem like it, Madre Superior,” Helena answered respectfully.
Everybody fell silent. A few seconds passed then Madre Olivia gave me a fierce look as she stepped toward me. I was about to speak when she suddenly slapped me smack on the face.
"What's wrong with you?" I wasn’t able to finish what I was about to say next because she slapped me squarely again on the other cheek. She looked at the others.
"Leave us alone," she ordered them.
"But Madre Olivia, what you’re about to do to her might be dangerous," said Natasha. But they seemed to know that their protests just fell on deaf ears. They grew silent and meekly went out of the room one after another.
She opened her palms to assist me. I stood up by myself. "Can you please explain? First, you stole that old diary. Then, you pushed me and brought me here. They all thought that I was being possessed by the devil. I want to go home!" I complained. I touched my cheeks which were still burning from all the slaps inflicted on me just a few minutes ago.
Madre Olivia just looked at me. "First, I didn’t steal the diary. I was only going to give it back to its real owner. Second, I wasn’t the one who brought you here. Third, it’s your fault why the others thought you were possessed by the devil,” she explained calmly. I wrinkled my forehead at her words.
"Okay. Fine. But I want to go home! How do I go back?" Madre Olivia took a deep breath and walked toward the window.
“You can only go back once you’ve fulfilled your mission here. There’s no other way,” she answered.
“You have to stop fate. You have to change what was written here,” she said as she held out the diary to me. “You cannot be with Juanito. You have to keep him from falling for you. You cannot also fall in love with him. This is the only way to prevent him from dying on your wedding day.”
I remembered Lola Carmina’s story. Juanito was killed on the day of his wedding with Carmelita, and a few days later, Carmelita drowned herself in the lake.
Why did Carmelita have to kill herself because she was brokenhearted? Now I got unwittingly caught up in all this madness!
“What if I refuse to? I will tell everyone that I’m not Carmelita and I’m from the future," I answered while crossing my arms over my chest. This was how I always taunted Shae. If she were here, she would be fuming for sure.
“All right. It’s up to you. Let’s see if they will believe a word you’re saying. Only two things can happen. First, they will think that you’re being possessed by the devil and they will bring you to all kinds of folk healers until they maroon you on an isolated island. Or they will think that you’ve lost your mind,” she answered, still cool and composed.
Why was I left with no acceptable choice?
“Aside from those, you won’t be able to go back to where you came from,” she added. I inhaled slowly and deeply. I closed my mind out of frustration.
“Get this. This is now yours,” she thrust the diary to me. I took it in my hands and opened it.
Our love story will be written once more on the day of the fourth chance.
That was the only thing written. Nothing else.
I read the inscription again. February 29 happens only every four years. I belong to the fourth generation of our family which was named after Carmelita. First, there was Carmen, then Lola Carmina, followed by Mommy Carmenia, and me, Carmela.
I shuddered at the thought. I remembered what Lola said the other night that it was no coincidence that I looked uncannily like Carmelita in the painting—there was a reason behind all this and fate was definitely working. Now I’m her and I’m here in her time!
“We are in the year 1891. You still have seven months before that fateful day. You still have seven months to fulfill your mission.”
“The diary is empty because you have yet to meet Juanito. He, however, has already seen you,” she continued. This was way too much information that my brain can no longer process what was going on. I sat down on the bed. What was happening still hasn’t sunk in my brain.
“He has seen me, but I haven’t seen him yet? That’s confusing,” I was so perplexed that all I could do was heave a deep sigh. Looked like Madre Olivia was running out of patience with me.
“He was the one who saved you from that kalesa this morning.” I felt my eyes widen—so it was Juanito who pulled me to safety.
“When will I see him?” I asked. I still couldn’t believe it. Maybe if I see Juanito I will tell him everything so that this could be a secret between the two of us.
“He’s now on his way here,” Madre Olivia responded.
“As in now? He’s on his way now?” I stood up, surprised. After that, the door swung open and a nun who was heavily panting came in. Looked like she ran a good distance.
“Madre Olivia, Señor Juanito Alfonso has arrived. He is now downstairs. He would like to check on Señorita Carmelita,” she said. I let go of the diary in shock. My mouth was left hanging open, wide enough for flies to swoop in.
“Tell him to come another day. Carmelita is still not feeling very well,” ordered Madre Olivia. The nun slightly bowed her head in response and left the room without a word.
“What? I’m okay. I’ll talk to him. I need to see him,” I complained like a young child throwing a tantrum.
“It can wait. I still have to explain to the others who saw what happened that you were not possessed by an evil spirit,” she said, to which I frowned in reply.
“Go to sleep first. Don’t worry. The time for you to meet him and set out on your mission is drawing close,” Madre Olivia told me as she turned around to leave.
I WAS LEFT ALL ALONE IN THIS DARK ROOM. I could only sit down on the bed out of frustration, disbelief, and helplessness. My head was throbbing and my body began to feel numb.
“I’ll be going ahead. Thank you so much and good evening,” I heard a man’s voice say from the outside. When I looked out the window, I saw a well-dressed young man. He kissed Madre Olivia’s hand before he left.
I wasn’t able to see his face clearly because he was wearing a sombrero. There was a good chance that he might be Juanito.
"You take good care of yourself, hijo" Madre Olivia said before closing the door. He started walking away. I had made up my mind that I needed to talk to him right now. I quickly clambered to the window. I was used to sneaking out of our house this way after all—over windows, fences, trees, walls, among other places.
It was just a little difficult this time because of my long flowing skirt. A dog started barking from downstairs. I stopped myself from moving further. I’ve always been afraid of dogs. When I was six years old, Shae’s family had a puppy and she brought it to our house. The puppy ran after me and I was traumatized ever since. That was why Dad wouldn’t allow any dog in the house even if Emily badly wanted to have her own pet.
It wasn’t long when the dog stopped barking. When I looked downstairs, I was surprised to see Juanito patting him!
"Hush, *Sampaguita. Don’t be noisy,” I heard him soothing the dog while stroking it on the head. "The one trying to break in might fall," he added. I crunched my forehead in confusion—was he thinking that I was a thief?
I was about to confront him when he looked up and we found ourselves staring into each others’ eyes.
I noticed his luminescent eyes, his aquiline nose. He’s tall and well built. I saw his Adam’s apple quiver as he craned his neck to look at me.
It was like the world screeched to a halt as a cool and gentle breeze caressed my cheeks. I dared not blink. He also kept on staring straight at me.
Here I was—Carmela who became Carmelita Montecarlos. Here I was whisked back to 1891. Here I was staring at the man who shattered her heart into a million little pieces and broke her will to live—all because he died. He was her most beloved.
He stood up and walked to me. He raised his arms as if to catch me.
“Don’t worry, *Binibini. I’m here to catch you,” he said with a grin. For some inexplicable reason, my heart started beating faster after hearing what he said.
Dear Diary,
I don’t believe in love at first sight.
I don’t believe in forever.
More so, I don’t believe in happy endings.
But at this very moment ...
It’s as if I want Cupid to shoot an arrow right through my heart.
Yours in confusion,
Carmela
