13.
Running Away.
I knew I was in big shit. Of course I was. Ian saw Parker's lips on mine. I wouldn't call it kissing, we weren't kissing. He was helping my breathing.
Panic attacks use to be very common with me. I had them all the time in university. And Parker knew that all too well. By pressing his lips to mine, he made sure that my breathing stopped just for a millisecond, so that I could control it again.
The reason for those panic attacks? That was another story altogether. Which I didn't want to tell Ian. Atleast, not yet. I wasn't ready to disclose five years of my life without him.
"We weren't kissing," I finally managed to say.
Ian raised his eyebrows. "Oh? What do you call it when two people play with each other's lips and tongues then, Khloe?"
I swallowed. "We weren't kissing. You have to trust me on this."
"Why should I, Khloe? Give me one good reason as to why I saw his lips on yours."
"Ian--"
Ian shook his head. "Don't start. One reason."
I didn't know how to say it. He would ask me why. I wasn't ready to answer the whys. I don't think I could tell him ever.
"I was having a panic attack." There. I said it. A sigh of relief passed my lips and I almost sagged in Ian's arms.
"Why?"
"I ca-can't tell you," I whispered.
Ian frowned. "Can't or won't?"
"Both. It's been five years since we've seen each other," I said. "Things happen. And somethings leave a lasting effect."
"I want to know, Khloe. I want to help you through it." Ian stated.
I moved away from him, sitting on the bed. Looking down, I could feel hot tears in my eyes. "I can't Ian. Five years is a lot."
"You don't trust me."
My head snapped up, so fast, I was surprised I didn't break it. "No!"
Ian raised his eyebrows. "Don't sugar-coat things for me, Khlo. I know you don't."
I shook my head. "I trust you. Even though we haven't spoken in five years, I still trust you Ian. I don't trust myself. I'm not ready to tell you."
Ian kneeled down on the floor. "But when you are ready...?"
I smiled at him, feebly. "I will tell you. Everything."
Ian smiled, kissing my lips softly. I was surprised at how soft but firm his lips were. And how much at home with that one kiss. I tangled my hands in his hair and brought his face closer to mine.
Ian slowly pushed his lips back, before anything else could happen. "Do you want to stay the night?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"No funny business," Ian smirked at me, making me narrow my eyes at him. Didn't the girl usually say that?
Ian walked into the bathroom, and I took off m my shirt and jeans, snuggling into the warm bed. I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep, until I felt Ian's lips on my forehead.
"Goodnight, sweetheart."
I tried opening my eyes, failing miserably. Instead, I settled for snuggling into Ian. I heard him sigh, as he pulled me closer. And I wasn't sure if it was true, or my mind made up his next words.
"I wish you hadn't chose what you did that time, babe."
*******
I couldn't sleep. I was lying on my back, my eyes on the ceiling, as Ian held me tight. I knew what would happen once Ian came to know about my past. The time I spent without him.
I needed to get out. I had to get out. I slowly slipped out of Ian's grasp, and manoeuvred out of the bed. Ian moved, making me stop in surprise. I looked at his sleeping face, a smile lifting my face.
He looked ao peaceful, so innocent. It reminded me of high school in a way. We were each other's lights. Ian understood me in a way no one else did. And I knew everything about him.
I wanted time to think. Ian's sudden entry into my life had turned it upside down. I hadn't thought I would ever meet Ian again. Five years ago, when I saw him at that airport, my heart broke and now, when I was leaving him, my heart broke again.
I didn't run into Parker, thankfully. I could only imagine how awkward it would be for me to explain to him why I was leaving his apartment in the early hours of morning.
I knew I shouldn't do this. Running away was never a solution. But I was a pro at running away. I had mastered the art. I reach away when things got good, I ran away when things got bad.
I sent a text to Parker and Marley, informing them that I was going to my parent's place. Just as I walked into the airport, I texted Ian.
** I'm sorry. I needed some time.*****
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